Deep Thought
by Zombie Kitty
Summary: Quick Rimmer one shot set a week after 'Out Of Time' Kinda rambly, and NO CAT! gasp, shock, faint


**Disclaimer:** Hmmmm DO i own Red Dwarf... hmmmm - I'm mulling it over... hmmmm, yeeeeee-NO! And your really stupid if you think i do!

Well i've been trying to post this since saturday afternoon but nevermind - This Rimmer fic is set a week after 'Out Of Time' - It's a bit rambly but I've had good feedback from those who've read it. Also, there's like NO Cat in it! (people gasp and faint)

In other news, I have RD8 - SO MUCH CUTE DANNY! - anyway, read on...

(ps - had to delete and re upload story as fan fic is still being kinda rubbish)

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Deep Thought**

Rimmer sighed as he stared up at the roof of his bunk, listening to Lister heaving on the springs in his sleep.

Lister never had been a good sleeper, probably because of all those curries he ate…. Stinking up the place with vindaloos and popadom remains – Honestly it was like a shrine to the King Of Spicy Food in Starbug.

But of course, nothing changed – Nothing ever changed. Nothing was really out there, no Earth, no wonderful aliens, no Risk players – Just dangerous space anomalies and various killer GELF's.

He's accepted this a long time ago – not that he'd ever admit it to somebody else – It was like with his family, sure he used to complain about them all the time and blame them for the way he was, but he only skimmed the surface, he'd never gone into real emotions or the way his father used to make him feel as he'd stand towering over him demanding to know the quantum wave theory of a anti matter chamber or he'd be beaten and wouldn't even be given one lousy sliver of turkey and a Brussels sprout on Christmas day.

He'd lost his charm, his integrity, his grace, his self confidence, but not his hope. He didn't know why, but somehow he still possessed some small glimmer of thought that one day it would get better, that they could go somewhere were things didn't try to kill him and there was no source of new guitar strings for Lister.

He thought back to the terror-forming moon – He obviously still felt pain, underneath his snide and selfish cover, why else would he have been so upset when the others admitted they thought less of him than a ant squashed underneath one of their shoes?

Not that they or he could change, they were set in there ways, they barely tolerated him and he just blew his top at them every time they didn't conform to what little rank system they had left – But it was hopeless, no one liked him, Lister didn't care, Kryten was the one people tended to follow because he ironed their laundry and could remember what smegging order each Space Corps Directive was in, and Cat… was just Cat.

Rimmer rolled over as Lister began to snore, wondering how much any of them had changed since Lister had been brought out of stasis – Surely they WERE better people, Lister had grown up a bit, had stopped wearing Hawaiian shirts, had started reading history books – Even if they were in comic form, he had also had much more potential to achieve.

Kryten had broken his programming, become an individual, learnt to fly Starbug and get them out of danger with a modification of some component other. He was now much more than just a service mechanoid – Something else that Rimmer would never admit.

And Cat? – Even he had developed, he'd learnt to pilot Starbug and when he tried really hard, could come up with an ok plan or two, he seemed to help keep Lister sane as well – Originally that's why Holly had switched him on, but Cat, seemed to just have more fun hanging out with Lister – Fun was something Rimmer never would or could have with Lister, or the others.

He kind of resented the fact Cat and Kryten had come into Lister's lives and together they were like a family unit – with Rimmer once again as the outcast… It hurt but he tried not to show it – They just thought he was born a bastard and hated everyone, which in a way suited Rimmer.

It had to be wrong though – a hologram having human emotions, because he wasn't human, he wasn't even Arnold J Rimmer, That guy was long dead, he was just a simulation of him. Which begs the question – Why can't he too really change? Is it a defect in his programming, or something? – Of course it is, a programming error, that's what he told himself, that anything he did was part of his design system.

But deep down in his circuits he knew it wasn't true, only a week ago he had proved that when the version of them from the future had wanted to fix their time drive.

He hadn't acted like he usually would of – He said to fight!

Even 7 days later, Rimmer had no idea why he had acted so out of character, was it a will to not stay as he was? Some kind of fear as he could see what he'd become? Or maybe he actually cared for the other 3 people in the cockpit round him.

As they'd died one by one he had felt a pang of… Remorse? Grief? Loneliness? Whatever it was, he didn't like it – Though he knew he liked been alone even less.

Years ago when Lister had said he wanted to take Cat and go back into stasis he had protested so much. He had told himself at the time it was because Lister had no right to go into stasis and leave him to be turned off by Holly – Never to be turned on again… Though it was more honestly because Rimmer didn't want to be left on his own, facing oblivion.

He chuckled sadly – In a way it was ironic, a hologram of a dead guy fearing death. Rimmer sighed and turned over. He thought and mentally debated with himself about a lot of things, not that he'd ever admit to others what his conclusions were


End file.
